Monday, November 17, 2008

Lab test results

I finally got the call with my lab results. "Normal male pregnancy". Hmmm. I thought there were 3? Initially when this whole situation was at it's high point I was okay because there wasn't a heartbeat or fetal pole to see and fall in love with. That call made it real, knowing that we lost a baby boy. When I read on message boards that people lost babies as early as I did and they name them a boy or girl name, I often wonder if it's just them naming them to help themselves cope. Now I know that they probably knew with testing just as I know now. Do I name him? Do I name him and not tell my husband? I have a hard time keeping secrets from him, how would I keep a name from him. What are his feelings? Does he feel we should put a name to the baby? So many questions that one part of me says it's just silly ramblings, the other says that it's a mark in my past and I need to name him.

Okay, this totally disproves the comment from Pro-abortionists saying that it's not a baby until it's delivered. The ultrasound technician, doctors, or Hubby and I couldn't even see anything on the screen but yet the lab tests tell us the baby was a boy. A BOY! That is a baby. It starts when the egg and sperm meet.


Maggie said...

thinking of you much! i'll see you on the 8th and we'll exchange a hug!

Zegi said...

Oh how sad. It sucks so much that medicine isn't an exact science. You are all in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

This makes me so sad. My mom lost a baby boy in between having my sister and myself. She didn't name it but over time came to a place where she now says that the baby's soul learned what it needed those precious months inside of her and feels blessed for that. I often think being a parent is more about aiding the journey of a little soul placed in your care by God. Using this definition you were a parent to this child during the time it needed to learn its lesson. It is not something lost but rather something gained. That little soul has also given you a lesson on your journey. You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts this evening.